i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
