how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
