yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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