morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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