Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
