the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
