I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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