I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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