So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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