Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
did i just pee glitter
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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