If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
