I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
