so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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