My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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