every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
