I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
