One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
