It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
