it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
