I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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