Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
