I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
