Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
