Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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