1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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