Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
