I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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