i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Mom said you looked used
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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