It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
