You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
