Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
