just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
