ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
