So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The adults are the big ones right?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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