i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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