Small penises have feelings too.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
