My nipple is on Facebook.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Alive.
So much puke
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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