well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
