in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
