So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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