I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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