There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
