I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
