I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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