I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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