Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
