ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
