he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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