i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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