I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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