I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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