In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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