the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
