it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
