So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
