just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
