I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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