u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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