You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize