Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
