So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
