I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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