This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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