He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize