I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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